Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
