I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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