cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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