your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
