thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
