Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
