The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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