I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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