Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
