You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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