That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
