The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
