exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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