I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
