You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
