Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize