Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
