listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
