Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I am available for nakedness
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
