If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
