just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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