the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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