great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
