I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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