Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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