Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's shark week go big or go home
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
