And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
