just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize