nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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