I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
