Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize