So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
