Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
