So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
