Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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