I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
