Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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