You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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