Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just blew my weed a kiss
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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