Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
