my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
As shirtless as possible
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
