I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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