Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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