he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
