she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
