Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
