nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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