Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
