Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
