So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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