You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
