im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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