I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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