I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
