you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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