I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
