Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
