I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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