My friends, they love my intelligence
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
