We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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