I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize