Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
