If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
and she was petting her beer can
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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