she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
