when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
